Adelaide rocking Autumn
Will I change my name when I get married?
Fleming meaning and name origin
Fleming \f-lemi-ng, fl(e)-ming\ as a boy’s name is of Old English origin, and the meaning of Fleming is “man from Flanders”. Flanders is now Belgium.
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Oh, the great name debate! It has begun, in earnest, at our house and it’s a whole lot more fun than I thought it could be.
The options on the table:
- No change, we both keep our ‘maiden’ names
- He (Parsley) changes to me (Fleming)
- We change to Fleming-Parsley
- We change to Fleming Parsley
- We change to Parsley-Fleming
- We change to Parsley Fleming (those distinctions are important)
- We create something new out of both our surnames (I quite like Flempars, him Parsling, the reality is they both sound rubbish)
I had always thought I’d never change my name. It turns out what I actually meant is I won’t ever change my name to his. Not even for this love that we have.
Whatever option we go for, I’m surprised too that I like the idea of changing my name in some way. Having some kind of marker. A symbol to say, ‘hey, we’ve changed’.
And I’m definitely going to be a Ms.
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why have so few feminists been openly supportive of the Abbott scheme? On what the information available so far, it seems to be pretty much what many have long campaigned for: replacement income and 26 weeks leave.
Could the reason for the lack of support be related to who proposed it than what it is? Abbott has a history of sexism and anti-fertility control so opposition to his proposal could stem from his past record.
This is Abbott’s opportunity to show he has changed. If he were to deliver on this scheme and fix the two anomalies (connected leave and right of return) he would be offering a better scheme than the present one. He could then seriously claim that he really was committed to changing workplace cultures, not just the incomes of women.
"— The ever impressive Eva Cox writing in Mama Mia and making a lot of sense.
Why I love Tony Abbott’s paid parental leave scheme so much
Forgive my cynicism, but I was pleasantly surprised (read gobsmacked) when I read the detail of the Liberal Party’s proposed parental leave scheme. Here, for the first time, is talk of Australia seriously assisting families with the challenge of parenthood and earning a crust. But more specifically for women as the gender solely responsible for growing a child inside them, then giving birth to it, and probably breastfeeding it for a period of time – here is a policy which will help ease the “either/or” debate.
You can either be a “good mother” or a working mother, or so the mother’s guilt we hear so much about says. But maybe we’re moving to a world where being a mother and enjoying work aren’t so far away. A world in which having a career is not a bad thing. Hell, where falling pregnant while having a job is not a bad thing, and is even incorporated into your workplace.
No doubt I’m particularly sensitive to these issues now as I and many of my friends near those critical child bearing years. I’m 32. I’m about to get married. I’m in love with a man who will make an incredible father. And I’m also working for an organisation I love, in a field I feel passionate about, a field which works in women’s empowerment no less, and yet I feel conflicted when it comes time to talk about having a family. Or, let’s be honest here, I actually feel nervous about admitting in my workplace that I’m considering trying to fall pregnant and have a child.
I’m worried my job won’t be here when I want to come back. I’m worried I won’t be able to take enough time off if I do have a baby because of financial pressures. And I’m downright pissed off that I’m the one who has to pause my career in order to make it happen, lose my financial independence and my superannuation contributions, all while setting my chances at career progression back a number of years.
Yet men, who are equally responsible for the conceiving bit, can continue their careers without penalty, and even enjoy the privilege of being in a better position for promotion, and more financially secure and independent with no break in their careers as they work within a system designed by them, for them.
But I don’t want to get into a women v men debate (such a debate shouldn’t even exist). In the words of Sheryl Sandberg, I too want a world in which women run half our companies, and men run half our families. And by evening the playing field a bit by decreasing the financial penalties women face for having a family, and by increasing the flexibility for mothers* financially when children come along, I believe this proposed parental leave scheme will be a significant step in the right direction for Australia.
Will it make me vote for Tony Abbott and the Liberal Party? No. But I’m happy to acknowledge good policy when I see it, and this is not just good policy but great policy.
*I also want to acknowledge the inadequacies of the policy, and the primary one as I see it being that the provisions of 26 weeks leave at full pay is being offered to mothers only, at the exclusion of fathers, thereby also restricting flexibility for many. There is still a long way to go, but this is a step in the right direction.
Do you know a man or a young fella? Show them this. And show it to your daughter, your friend, your neighbour, your parents, and hell, everyone you know. It’s a welcome breath of fresh air on the serious global issue of men’s violence.
Jackson Katz on Violence and Silence
"For we’ve come to equate a slender figure with virtue. A trim, fit physique makes you not only healthy and attractive but admirable as a person. In imputing moral qualities to dimensions, we also associate a slim silhouette with a host of enviable qualities that have nothing to do with build: self-possession, self-esteem, determination, drive, single-mindedness, power, even career success."
— Lionel Shriver on our obsession with fat in the New York Times
Great video on what choice looks like for women and healthcare. Or rather what it doesn’t look like.
“What has aid ever done for anyone?” from the folks over at Save the Children UK.
"It would be good to revive true feminism. And that feminism takes all women. It doesn’t matter what race, what colour. What connects us is our human individuality. And feminism, if we mean it seriously, it has to be about the individual. We have to let go of groups. If you listen to multiculturalists, you read their work, it’s always about groups, communities. And, all of these groups, these entities, that’s abstract. But the human body is physical. You don’t cut the genitals of an abstract, you cut the genitals of an individual human being."
— Ayaan Hirsi Ali talking feminism and the cultural divide in The Daily Life
"I want my daughter to experiment with her boundaries and learn how to refine on her own terms: I want her to dye her hair ridiculous colours, wear clothes so stupid they deserve a parody Tumblr and have all the make-up application skills of Picasso after a nasty bender. I want her to fall over, let her be more artifice than actual – for a brief moment just let her play and see what she wants, how she wants to determine herself through a process of trial and error. I want her to say ludicrous things until she finds her internal mast. I also want her to go out and shag and not have to make it “mean” something or find someone amazing and have it mean everything."
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- Amy Gray, making a lot of sense in The Daily Life.
My friend Sally read out bits of this article as we drank red wine. Very soon we were lamenting the own misfortunes of our youth. A youth in which we didn’t know boys bragging about behaviour that simultaneously shamed girls was Not. Ok. A youth in which we were the girls being shamed.
It made no sense to us then, but I didn’t know to call out the injustice.
I dearly wish I had been able to read Amy Gray when I was fifteen.
This week I’m walking in her shoes
12,220, that’s how many steps I took yesterday - the first day of CARE Australia’s Walk In Her Shoes Challenge.
Every day this week I’ll be walking 10,000+ steps to raise money for women and girls living in poverty who have to walk an average of 10,000 steps a day just to collect water, food and firewood for their families.
Please sponsor me: I’m aiming to raise $1,200 which can help send five girls to school, or install two water pumps in a village.
It’s a fantastic cause close to my heart. All donations over $2 are tax deductible, and the great karma you can earn is all ready and waiting!
"In Australia, women hold just 29 per cent of the 226 seats in federal parliament. It gets worse in the corporate sector, where women hold roughly 9 per cent of board seats and executive officer positions, and there are a mere 12 female CEOs of companies in the ASX 500."
— Clem Bastow talking Sheryl Sandberg and asking what holds women back. Interesting thinking, though I ideally want a world where women don’t have to be “like a man” to reach the top.
